Chasing Butterflies: Why Happiness Isn’t One-Size-Fits-All

The Relativity of Happiness: Why Your Joy Doesn’t Need a Checklist

Have you ever had one of those days where you’re scrolling through Instagram and it feels like everyone else is starring in the highlight reel of the century? Like, Joan from the HR Department just bought a new house, Agnes and friends are exploring the beautiful country of Armenia, and even your neighbor’s cat has 5,000 followers. Meanwhile, you’re sitting there, smugly proud that you remembered to switch your laundry before it got that weird mildew smell. (Go you!)

It’s in moments like these that I start to wonder: why do we make happiness such a competition? Who decided that joy had to come with a checklist?

When “Having It All” Feels Like Having Nothing

I remember when I first started working. My idea of happiness was pretty straightforward: a six-figure salary, an Instagram-worthy flat, and a wardrobe that didn’t involve clearance racks or polyester. But when I finally landed a good job and moved into a beautiful area in Madina with modern design (and yes, the holy grail of rentals), I still wasn’t happy. I was exhausted, comparing my life to everyone else’s, and constantly worried about whether I was “on track.”

I used to think happiness was a fixed destination, like a tropical vacation where you sip pomegranate juice and think, Yep, I’ve made it. Instead, it felt more like I was chasing an elusive butterfly—one I’d barely catch a glimpse of before it flitted away.

It wasn’t until I started digging into what happiness actually means that I realized how relative it is. What lights me up might not work for someone else, and vice versa. (For instance, I will never understand why people run marathons for fun. But hey, good for them!)

The “Big Happiness” Myth

We’ve all been sold the dream: happiness is a big, flashy event. Getting engaged on a mountaintop, quitting your job to travel the world, or buying a yacht (who does that, really?). While these moments can be exciting, they’re not the key to lasting happiness.

The truth is, most happiness comes from the little things. It’s the unexpected joy of your favorite song playing at the perfect moment or the surprise compliment on your terrible latte art (it does look like a sad jellyfish, doesn’t it?). These small sparks of joy add up over time, creating a quiet, steady kind of contentment.

Comparison: The Happiness Killer

Can we talk about how much comparison screws up our happiness? Social media is basically a comparison trap on steroids. I used to spend hours stalking influencers who looked like they had it all together: the perfect hair, the perfect partner, the perfect avocado toast. (Side note: why is avocado toast always involved?) It’s only when I stepped back that I realized I was comparing my behind-the-scenes mess to someone else’s curated highlight reel.

What I’ve learned is that happiness isn’t about having more, doing more, or being “better.” It’s about finding joy in what’s right in front of you. Your life doesn’t have to look impressive to anyone else—it just has to feel good to you.

Happiness Is a Moving Target (And That’s Okay)

The tricky thing about happiness is that it’s always evolving. What made me happy at 22 (cheap wine and karaoke nights, anyone?) is wildly different from what makes me happy now (a quiet Sunday morning with coffee and zero plans). And honestly? That’s kind of the beauty of it. You don’t have to have it all figured out because your definition of happiness is allowed to grow and shift with you.

My Simple Formula for Everyday Joy

Over the years, I’ve come up with my own little formula for happiness. It’s not scientific or fancy, but it works for me:

1. Focus on Gratitude: Every night, I try to jot down three things that made me smile. Some days, it’s deep (like reconnecting with an old friend). Other days, it’s hilariously shallow (like finding out my favorite chips were on sale). But it always reminds me that joy is everywhere if you look for it.
2. Stop Overthinking It: Sometimes, we turn happiness into this unattainable goal. Like, I’ll be happy when I lose 10 pounds, or when I finally get promoted. But happiness doesn’t have to wait. It can be as simple as enjoying a really good sandwich. (Seriously, why do we underestimate the power of food?)
3. Laugh Often (Even at Yourself): Life is absurd, and we all mess up. Case in point: I once wore my shirt inside-out to an important meeting. Instead of dying of embarrassment, I laughed it off, and you know what? Everyone else laughed too. Finding the humor in your own chaos makes everything feel lighter.

Final Thoughts: Your Happiness, Your Rules

At the end of the day, happiness is incredibly personal. It’s not about meeting some societal standard or ticking off a checklist—it’s about tuning into what makes you feel alive. So if your version of happiness is spending Friday night binge-watching crime dramas instead of going out? Own it. If it’s running through sprinklers with your kids or adopting a dozen houseplants (and accidentally killing half of them), that’s valid too.

Life’s too short to spend it chasing someone else’s idea of joy. So let’s stop worrying about whether we’re doing happiness “right” and start embracing the messy, imperfect, beautiful version of it that’s ours.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to eat a cookie and dance around my living room because that, my friends, is my current definition of happiness. 😊

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Marissa Buencamino

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